April 21

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Last issue of the year is out. Make sure to snag yourself, as the Iron Curtain of STUCO is moving quickly to supress us, as usual. Will we be publishing next year, you ask? We'll let you wonder about that.

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**New!** We have added this page in multiple languages, for your convienence! Just use these links:

• Redneck
• Jive
• Cockney
• Elmer Fudd
• Swedish Chef
• Moron
• Pig Latin

March 26

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Hmm. Our last issue seems to be stirring up controversy once again. We have recieved numerous E-mails, and would like to publish 2 of them right now:

 
    As I glance through the NABC calendar, I notice 9 statements of belief. One of them catches my eye. Article seven declares: "The inalienable right of all individuals to freedom of conscience with ultimate accountability to God."  The DISSertation contributers have chosen sarcastic humor and endeavor to proclaim the truth in a jovial spirit.  People habe taken offense to these writings and sadly many have become self-righteous in attacking the contributors.  When Jesus criticizes the Pharisees he calls them hypocrites and quotes Isaiah: "This people honors me with their lips but their heart is far from me" Matt 7:6.  In one breath some judge this publication as derogatory to individuals while in another breath they themselves address the staff of this paper as 'poopheads'.  Others have seized people's private mail and burned issues of this publication as the Catholics burnt Luther's books in the counter reformation.  We must all be allowed to follow our conscience.

This is a freelance editorial by Doctor Theo, L.G.
 

And the second one:
 

Dear Geniuses

    I must say that your paper is extremely funny and that people were giving me strange looks while I read it in the computer lab.  I don't think your comments should be taken seriously by those who end up as the butt of your jokes, because nobody has ever not laughed at someone else.  If you can't laugh at yourself then you don't have any right to laugh at someone else.  It only becomes offensive if you desire to take it that way, and life is just too short to take offense.  There are real problems in this world that don't center around you, and those problems would go away a lot faster if people would stop looking for how they had been wronged and actually think about someone else.  Anyway, it should be considered an honor to be noticed by such a wonderful publication that seems bent on making people laugh.  If I had been deemed worthy of being used as a joke in this paper I would have probably framed it.  I wish people would start focusing more on the eternal than the temporal.  Those 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelets are everywhere these days, but it seems that few of those who wear them actually pay them any mind.  I would like to publicly apologize to this paper for judging it before actually reading it myself.  I let the opinions of others influence me
without actually checking out the facts for myself.  I have been doing that a lot lately, and for that I seek forgiveness.
 a note on my letter: for every sentence, there are probably three more that would clarify some statements, but I try to be as brief as possible. So think what you want, but try to think of the best interpretation, because that is probably what I mean!  In any case, you could always ask me what I meant.

Feb 28

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Some people seem to be having problems with our anonymity. Good. That means that is is serving its purpose: to create interest. Some people don't seem to understand that an underground newspaper must be anonymous by its very definition. We as the editors have nothing to hide, and are proud of our publication. Look forward to a <gasp> serious article next paper, examining this issue, and examining reasons why some people don't like us. The next issue will not be flattering, but it will not be slanderous. We at the Dissertsation do have self-set limits as to what we will publish. It will be a very frank and bluntly honest, and quite not-funny. We did not want to have to write serious articles at the dissertation, but since some people can't see an off-the-wall and totally harmless paper for what it is, we are forced to explain ourselves. The examination of serious issues, in our opinion, should be left to the most excellent "Bezalel" underground paper. Be waiting for the next issue soon!!
 
 

Feb 10, 1999

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Apparently, some immature punks around here have decided that they are responsible for what you recieve in your mailboxes. We recently distributed the Disstertationn to your STUCO mailbox, and someone, whom we know to be a student, removed mail from your mailbox! This just so happend to be a federal crime, as well as totally immoral and ethically wrong. If someone out there has a problem with us, fine. Talk to us. But everyone has a right to see it for themselves, and to form their own opinions of it. If you see anyone tampering with the mailboxes, remember that it is illegal to remove other peoples mail, and speak to them, or tell a prof of it. If anyone has any ideas of who the culprit is, tell a prof, or email us, and we'll look int it for you. Feb 9, 1999

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Our second issue to be released tomorrow! Make sure to get your own copy! Also included is a special reprint of our first issue, for those of you who missed it the first time around. New 4 page format is twice as long for twice the reading pleasure.

Fed 1, 1999

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Alright! We got a Coca-Cola sponsorship. Hallelujah!

Jan. 05, 1999

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Somebody must love us! They're stealing whole stacks of newsletters that we put out for distribution! If we find out who, they can look forward to a feature article in the next issue!

Jan 08, 1999

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Work continues on our next issue, tentative release date is next week sometime. Special Sneak preview! Inside sources have confirmed that there will be another page in this issue, to a total of four pages! New columns include Letters to the Editors, Weather forecasts, Editorials, and a new "Ask the Geniuses" self help column! Rumour also has it that there may also be a "Horrorscope" on the last page. The main DISS in the upcoming issue is on the new ACS101 course! Reserve your issue now, because they'll go quickly!

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